A Monologue Exercise

Alright, I had to piss, so I went to piss, and another dude walked into the bathroom as I was pissing. And, right after he walks in — you ever have those times where you go to take a piss and mid-stream you realize you have to shit? Yeah, right after he walks in I get that feeling, just some weird coincidental timing with how far along I was, so I finish up at the urinal and I turn around to walk over to one of the stalls. As I turn around, I notice this guy that walked in is just looking in the mirror, but he’s not really looking at himself, he’s kinda glancing at me, but I don’t think much of it ’cause, I mean, I was just behind him doing my business and I finish and move to a stall, and that’s gotta be a little weird for him to be around for so looking at me in the mirror to see what’s up seems like a natural thing to do. Anyway, I walk over to the handicap stall ’cause I didn’t see any cripples outside and there’s not any in the bathroom so I’m gonna take advantage of that extra room while I have the opportunity for this surprise shit, and I’m just getting my pants around my ankles when I hear this dude walking over to the stalls. Again, I don’t think much of it, he was probably just taking a relaxing second before his shit, I was just in that same boat in a way. So he gets to his stall, and I turn my head over to the sound of that door closing, I don’t know why, probably just some instinct thing or something, and I notice this hole near the door of my stall. Now, I’m completely confused because I’ve never seen a hole in a stall wall before, so I just stare at it for a second while I’m trying to figure out what use this hole has to a cripple, and while I’m contemplating my life’s greatest mystery this dude’s dick just pops through.So this thing’s just staring me in the face, and I’m just sitting there, half-alone, wondering to myself what I should do in the situation. Like, any other time some dude just pulls his dick out in front of me I’m gonna be upset, but I’m just so in shock because I don’t know what’s going on that I’m wondering, like, do I say something? Should I just keep shitting and wait it out? Do I try to push it back through the hole? I’m thinking of all these ways to get this dick out of here and for some reason it pops into my head, should I just suck it? Now, I’ve never had an urge to suck a dick, it hasn’t really ever crossed my mind, but I just suddenly got curious about, like, would I be able to do it? I don’t know why this thought is even in my head, but out of nowhere justifications for it just start coming to me. Like, “I’m out of town in the middle of nowhere, no one will ever know,” and “when will this ever be an opportunity again, I might as well just take it.” And so I’m not only having this conflict of what to do about this dick in the wall but I’m having a sub-conflict about whether or not I want to do anything to the dick, which is not a thing I ever thought I’d have to be dealing with. So I start shaking out those thoughts about sucking this dude’s dick, like giving myself a pep talk not to do it. I’m replacing “maybe dicks taste alright” with “I get my dick sucked, I don’t suck dicks.” I gotta be, like, “I don’t wanna suck that dick. I’m not gonna suck that dick. I’m never sucking a dick.” all while still staring at this dick. And in the middle of me finally deciding that I’m just gonna finish my shit, walk out, and never turn back, this dude says through the stall “I’ll suck yours next” and once again I am just baffled at the absurdity of this situation. Like, just when I thought I’d resolved this conflict it gets even more complicated, and I start considering it once again. I don’t even stop to think this dude’s just trying to trick me so he can get off and get out, like the way he said it was as if this is something he’s done before and for some reason that really got me thinking because now I’m just sure that this dude gives great head, which is one thing I never thought I’d be thinking, and I’m unsure of what to do again, but I don’t want to be a flake and go back on my decision, so I keep sitting there for a second whispering in my head “Don’t suck the dick. Don’t suck the dick. Don’t suck the dick.”